I am sitting at my computer, lost for words. It's not every day that you lose a friend. In fact, other than my father when I was three, Ive never experienced death. I agree that it is a natural cycle, and that everyone in time must go. Its when it comes at a shock that it is most painful. It's the switch from ultimate high to extreme low that gets you.
On Monday, the 25th, I joined ADF and I was ecstatic. I knew my place in the world. Joining ADF gave me motivation, to learn, to think, to be creative. I was so happy that day, but like all things...my happiness was short lived. That night I was working, and I recieved a facebook request titled "RIP David Bezio." I said aloud, what he's not dead, he must be just messing around with me like always!" So I accepted the request, and started reading it. I just broke down into tears in front of everyone at work. I felt so numb.
It wasn't more than a few weeks ago that I talked to David. He had told me that he would be attending college this year. A week has gone by, and I can tell you although I have gotten a grasp on handling my emotions, it doesn't hurt any less. I remember those first few days. I was in complete denial. My brother and I, we said "If he just made this all up and he really is alive, I am going to beat him to death." We had such hope that he was just playing around with us.
It wasn't until the night before his funeral that it really hit me. Work was awful, I couldn't keep my head on straight. I'm surprised that I even finished all of my tasks. I just went up to my brother and said, I need a hug, and we cried together. Our friends had no idea what to say to us, but I am glad they were there. Just being around the people we cared about helped tremendously. If it wasn't for all my coworkers and friends, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed for weeks.
I'll never forget you David. We had so many crazy adventures in high school. You kept me out of fights, (remember that one time with Ashley and you held me back?) or that time we got so sick of Mark Brockett that we dumped trash all over him? You were always telling me how much you crushed on me back then. We were like twins. Hey we even have the same birthday! We never did get that happy 21st birthday drink.
I wish I had been a better friend at the end. I can say all the excuses in the world, but it wont change the facts that I wasn't there for you. Just like you wanted the chance to show everyone that you had changed, that you were a better person, just remember David, that I have always cared about you, that you will always be my friend, and that I will never forget you, and that every birthday that passes, I'll be drinking to you. Thank you for being there for me.
Have fun in the afterlife David, and try not to get into too much trouble without me.
I love you, brother.
