I know this post is late, but I have my reasons for doing so. As I have been working along on my dedicant path for ADF, one of the assignments is to write a short essay on each of the nine virtues. Two of them, piety and fertility have really had me going. As is the spirit surrounding this day and of other traditions as well, fertility has played a huge part.
Sometime in the middle of March, my mate and I found out that the chances of us conceiving a child together would be quite slim. I was devastated. We had always planned, and talked about having a child in the future. I have always been super fertile, and have two children from a previous marriage. The looks on his face are heartbreaking, especially when he looks at my youngest son and realizes that he will never be his, nor will he ever have one of his own.
Not only did I lose a good friend in the past two months, this new loss has had me reeling. I stopped doing my devotionals, I stopped giving offerings...I barely looked at my altar. It felt as if my whole life was nothing but working and sleeping... that I had nothing to look forward to.
With the coming of spring, there is always hope. I will never give up on my dreams. Although the future looks bleak, I know that there is another page to the book of life, a blank slate. I am happy with the blessings that I have been given, and realize that I have two beautiful children already. That is more than most, especially those that have none.
I plan on working on my virtue essays this week, and to finish them by next Sunday. I am also looking forward to a Druidic Coffee Hour with the local Grove, and to start doing my daily devotionals again. Spring always seems to cheer me up, if only Cailleach would let go of her dominion!
It feels good to get back up, and get going. I have a lot planned for this year, and I cant wait to get to it!
Heres to a bright new spring!
Blessed Be!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Rest in Peace
I am sitting at my computer, lost for words. It's not every day that you lose a friend. In fact, other than my father when I was three, Ive never experienced death. I agree that it is a natural cycle, and that everyone in time must go. Its when it comes at a shock that it is most painful. It's the switch from ultimate high to extreme low that gets you.
On Monday, the 25th, I joined ADF and I was ecstatic. I knew my place in the world. Joining ADF gave me motivation, to learn, to think, to be creative. I was so happy that day, but like all things...my happiness was short lived. That night I was working, and I recieved a facebook request titled "RIP David Bezio." I said aloud, what he's not dead, he must be just messing around with me like always!" So I accepted the request, and started reading it. I just broke down into tears in front of everyone at work. I felt so numb.
It wasn't more than a few weeks ago that I talked to David. He had told me that he would be attending college this year. A week has gone by, and I can tell you although I have gotten a grasp on handling my emotions, it doesn't hurt any less. I remember those first few days. I was in complete denial. My brother and I, we said "If he just made this all up and he really is alive, I am going to beat him to death." We had such hope that he was just playing around with us.
It wasn't until the night before his funeral that it really hit me. Work was awful, I couldn't keep my head on straight. I'm surprised that I even finished all of my tasks. I just went up to my brother and said, I need a hug, and we cried together. Our friends had no idea what to say to us, but I am glad they were there. Just being around the people we cared about helped tremendously. If it wasn't for all my coworkers and friends, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed for weeks.
I'll never forget you David. We had so many crazy adventures in high school. You kept me out of fights, (remember that one time with Ashley and you held me back?) or that time we got so sick of Mark Brockett that we dumped trash all over him? You were always telling me how much you crushed on me back then. We were like twins. Hey we even have the same birthday! We never did get that happy 21st birthday drink.
I wish I had been a better friend at the end. I can say all the excuses in the world, but it wont change the facts that I wasn't there for you. Just like you wanted the chance to show everyone that you had changed, that you were a better person, just remember David, that I have always cared about you, that you will always be my friend, and that I will never forget you, and that every birthday that passes, I'll be drinking to you. Thank you for being there for me.
Have fun in the afterlife David, and try not to get into too much trouble without me.
I love you, brother.
On Monday, the 25th, I joined ADF and I was ecstatic. I knew my place in the world. Joining ADF gave me motivation, to learn, to think, to be creative. I was so happy that day, but like all things...my happiness was short lived. That night I was working, and I recieved a facebook request titled "RIP David Bezio." I said aloud, what he's not dead, he must be just messing around with me like always!" So I accepted the request, and started reading it. I just broke down into tears in front of everyone at work. I felt so numb.
It wasn't more than a few weeks ago that I talked to David. He had told me that he would be attending college this year. A week has gone by, and I can tell you although I have gotten a grasp on handling my emotions, it doesn't hurt any less. I remember those first few days. I was in complete denial. My brother and I, we said "If he just made this all up and he really is alive, I am going to beat him to death." We had such hope that he was just playing around with us.
It wasn't until the night before his funeral that it really hit me. Work was awful, I couldn't keep my head on straight. I'm surprised that I even finished all of my tasks. I just went up to my brother and said, I need a hug, and we cried together. Our friends had no idea what to say to us, but I am glad they were there. Just being around the people we cared about helped tremendously. If it wasn't for all my coworkers and friends, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed for weeks.
I'll never forget you David. We had so many crazy adventures in high school. You kept me out of fights, (remember that one time with Ashley and you held me back?) or that time we got so sick of Mark Brockett that we dumped trash all over him? You were always telling me how much you crushed on me back then. We were like twins. Hey we even have the same birthday! We never did get that happy 21st birthday drink.
I wish I had been a better friend at the end. I can say all the excuses in the world, but it wont change the facts that I wasn't there for you. Just like you wanted the chance to show everyone that you had changed, that you were a better person, just remember David, that I have always cared about you, that you will always be my friend, and that I will never forget you, and that every birthday that passes, I'll be drinking to you. Thank you for being there for me.
Have fun in the afterlife David, and try not to get into too much trouble without me.
I love you, brother.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I'm a sapling...
Squee!
I just got my welcome letter from ADF
And I'm as happy as can be.
Not a little teacup,
But a baby Tree.
Off to do some learning,
A Sapling in training,
trying to quench this undying yearning...
So I'll just have to get started on my DP :)
I just got my welcome letter from ADF
And I'm as happy as can be.
Not a little teacup,
But a baby Tree.
Off to do some learning,
A Sapling in training,
trying to quench this undying yearning...
So I'll just have to get started on my DP :)
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Unwittingly Natural
My friend April (and fellow blogger) posted something on Facebook about a week ago that really had me thinking. Before I knew it, I was digging through my kitchen, medicine cabinet, makeup bag and my purse for all of the products that Ive been using that are either "all natural" or "cruelty free." What I found quite surprised me!
My little quest began in the kitchen. To start off, I am a very picky eater. Most of the recipes that I make, I eat them because I grew up doing so. I will admit, I have quite the love affair with salad dressing. Everyone is always saying how terrible it is for you, and while I agree I just couldn't seem to give it up. My woes with dressing started when McDonald's (Yes...Mcdonalds! I know its horrible for you, but read on...) started using Paul Newman's "Newman's Own" Caesar dressing. I was pregnant for my daughter at the time, and became insta-addicted to it. I would buy 5 packets of it at a time in order to use it on my "home made" salads. I even tried buying the Paul Newman dressing from the store, but it tasted awful and chalky. No matter what kind of dressing I tried, it couldn't compare to the kind found at McDonald's. After awhile I decided that it was crazy to only eat that one kind of dressing and to pay $1 a packet for a one time use item. So I stopped using dressing all together. However, this love for Paul Newman swayed me to buy my next favorite item...Paul Newman's Gorilla Grape Juice.
I am quite fond of grape juice. In fact it is my favorite! The reason that I bought Paul Newman's Gorilla Grape Juice was purely because I loved his salad dressing so much. The fact that it was all natural (and that he gives all his profit to charity) is just the icing on the cake. To be honest, I didn't know that it was all natural when I was eating the dressing. I didn't realize until I picked up the grape juice and started drinking a glass, when I noticed "all profits given to charity." Interesting! When looking in my pantry, it also weilded the following results...a jar of pasta sauce that my fiance picked up because it was $1. Not only was it delicious, and my favorite so far, but it also stated that it was "all natural." The same thing with my favorite salsa Casa Mamita that you can pick up at Aldi.
Next, I looked in my medicine cabinet. I remember back awhile ago thinking how much I hated toothpaste because not only did it burn, but it made my gums hurt. My babies also complained and cried about using what people consider "normal" toothpaste. So on our hunt to find one that didn't taste awful, burn, or wasn't terribly expensive...we found Tom's of Maine strawberry toothpaste. I didn't purposely pick up Tom's of Maine because it was all natural, but because it was one of the only kinds that I could find that wasn't solely marketed for children, or didn't taste like revolting bubblegum. However, my Pagan side was beaming with pride at having chosen one that wasn't going to slowly poison my children over time.
Lastly, I checked over my makeup and was amazed. Hard Candy is my favorite brand, hands down. I have their make up removing wipes, nail polish, eye liner, mascara, eye shadow...you name it I probably have some of it. I especially like their Eye'm tired eye depuffer. It makes me look like less of a zombie when working those terrible ten pm to seven am shifts. I was doing some research on Hard Candy and guess what, they are cruelty free and part of the leaping bunny program which monitors beauty products and keeps a list of those that do not test on animals. Hard Candy even has a lot of vegan make up as well. I contacted them to find an exact list, and they responded, saying that they will have a full list up on their new website when it launches!
All in all, I am quite proud of myself. I found quite a few all natural products (and even a bunch that I didn't list above.) Just think what I can do when I actually go out and TRY to buy all natural and cruelty free items? Comment below with all of your favorite all natural and cruelty free products!
My little quest began in the kitchen. To start off, I am a very picky eater. Most of the recipes that I make, I eat them because I grew up doing so. I will admit, I have quite the love affair with salad dressing. Everyone is always saying how terrible it is for you, and while I agree I just couldn't seem to give it up. My woes with dressing started when McDonald's (Yes...Mcdonalds! I know its horrible for you, but read on...) started using Paul Newman's "Newman's Own" Caesar dressing. I was pregnant for my daughter at the time, and became insta-addicted to it. I would buy 5 packets of it at a time in order to use it on my "home made" salads. I even tried buying the Paul Newman dressing from the store, but it tasted awful and chalky. No matter what kind of dressing I tried, it couldn't compare to the kind found at McDonald's. After awhile I decided that it was crazy to only eat that one kind of dressing and to pay $1 a packet for a one time use item. So I stopped using dressing all together. However, this love for Paul Newman swayed me to buy my next favorite item...Paul Newman's Gorilla Grape Juice.
I am quite fond of grape juice. In fact it is my favorite! The reason that I bought Paul Newman's Gorilla Grape Juice was purely because I loved his salad dressing so much. The fact that it was all natural (and that he gives all his profit to charity) is just the icing on the cake. To be honest, I didn't know that it was all natural when I was eating the dressing. I didn't realize until I picked up the grape juice and started drinking a glass, when I noticed "all profits given to charity." Interesting! When looking in my pantry, it also weilded the following results...a jar of pasta sauce that my fiance picked up because it was $1. Not only was it delicious, and my favorite so far, but it also stated that it was "all natural." The same thing with my favorite salsa Casa Mamita that you can pick up at Aldi.
Next, I looked in my medicine cabinet. I remember back awhile ago thinking how much I hated toothpaste because not only did it burn, but it made my gums hurt. My babies also complained and cried about using what people consider "normal" toothpaste. So on our hunt to find one that didn't taste awful, burn, or wasn't terribly expensive...we found Tom's of Maine strawberry toothpaste. I didn't purposely pick up Tom's of Maine because it was all natural, but because it was one of the only kinds that I could find that wasn't solely marketed for children, or didn't taste like revolting bubblegum. However, my Pagan side was beaming with pride at having chosen one that wasn't going to slowly poison my children over time.
Lastly, I checked over my makeup and was amazed. Hard Candy is my favorite brand, hands down. I have their make up removing wipes, nail polish, eye liner, mascara, eye shadow...you name it I probably have some of it. I especially like their Eye'm tired eye depuffer. It makes me look like less of a zombie when working those terrible ten pm to seven am shifts. I was doing some research on Hard Candy and guess what, they are cruelty free and part of the leaping bunny program which monitors beauty products and keeps a list of those that do not test on animals. Hard Candy even has a lot of vegan make up as well. I contacted them to find an exact list, and they responded, saying that they will have a full list up on their new website when it launches!
All in all, I am quite proud of myself. I found quite a few all natural products (and even a bunch that I didn't list above.) Just think what I can do when I actually go out and TRY to buy all natural and cruelty free items? Comment below with all of your favorite all natural and cruelty free products!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Holy Danu!
I usually do not write two posts in such close proximity, but I have so much to be thankful for! This morning I woke up to a delightful shock, I have a job interview! I have been unemployed for the last thirty days. A whole month of putting in applications and making countless phone calls to no avail. Then, I wake up to a message asking if I want an interview this coming Monday. I sure do!
After recreating and dedicating my Altar to this Great Mother Goddess, I wake up to a wonderful surprise! I just can't believe how wonderful this year has been so far. I want to scream for joy off of a beautiful mountain top, or run naked through the forest. That is how happy that I am. Everything seems to be falling into place. Danu is really looking out for this mama, and I am incredibly thankful not only to Her, but my awesome family, my wonderful friends, my coven members, and to the members of the local Protogrove. You have all had my back, and I really appreciate it!
After recreating and dedicating my Altar to this Great Mother Goddess, I wake up to a wonderful surprise! I just can't believe how wonderful this year has been so far. I want to scream for joy off of a beautiful mountain top, or run naked through the forest. That is how happy that I am. Everything seems to be falling into place. Danu is really looking out for this mama, and I am incredibly thankful not only to Her, but my awesome family, my wonderful friends, my coven members, and to the members of the local Protogrove. You have all had my back, and I really appreciate it!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Rebirth
Its not everyday that you are as completely astonished as you are today. Things have been going so well for me, this past year, and things just keep getting better. I cannot believe the turn my life has taken. Last year I was in such a rut, mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I had no idea of my place in the world.
Six months ago, I wrote the very first post on this blog. Until now, its one and only. The changes between that post and this one, are astounding. Recently, I got back in touch with my spiritual side. I have been a "Pagan" since I was about thirteen when a neighborhood friend taught me about Wicca, despite my Jehovah's witness upbringing. A year ago, I would have said that I had no faith, but this year has been a huge blessing. I have a wonderful man in my life, I have two beautiful children, my apartment isn't half bad, and I'm starting a new career.
Like anything, I have started off with baby steps. I added myself back to all of my pagan related groups on facebook. I rejoined my original coven! I even started researching Druidry again, and look forward to practicing with the local Protogrove. Today, I recreated my Altar, and I am quite pleased!
I thought to myself, "I should really start blogging." I am an avid talker, and I usually have so many things rattling around in my brain, that just want to burst forth...So I decide to set up an new blog, when lo and behold blogger says my email address is being used. I thought, "well that is funny." I was just amazed, reading what I wrote six months ago, and really realizing that I am blessed. I am thankful for all the things the Gods have given me, and I think it funny that this realization comes on the same day that I rededicate my Altar.
I look forward to the year to come.
Six months ago, I wrote the very first post on this blog. Until now, its one and only. The changes between that post and this one, are astounding. Recently, I got back in touch with my spiritual side. I have been a "Pagan" since I was about thirteen when a neighborhood friend taught me about Wicca, despite my Jehovah's witness upbringing. A year ago, I would have said that I had no faith, but this year has been a huge blessing. I have a wonderful man in my life, I have two beautiful children, my apartment isn't half bad, and I'm starting a new career.
Like anything, I have started off with baby steps. I added myself back to all of my pagan related groups on facebook. I rejoined my original coven! I even started researching Druidry again, and look forward to practicing with the local Protogrove. Today, I recreated my Altar, and I am quite pleased!
I thought to myself, "I should really start blogging." I am an avid talker, and I usually have so many things rattling around in my brain, that just want to burst forth...So I decide to set up an new blog, when lo and behold blogger says my email address is being used. I thought, "well that is funny." I was just amazed, reading what I wrote six months ago, and really realizing that I am blessed. I am thankful for all the things the Gods have given me, and I think it funny that this realization comes on the same day that I rededicate my Altar.
I look forward to the year to come.
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